Finding...

Jaded..?
Because I doubt this.
I don't believe in soulmates any more.
I don't believe in a twin flame.
I don't believe in "finding" a mate.

I'm so damned afraid to ever hear "I love you" from a man again...
In anything other than friendship.
It could be lies, all lies.
It could hide such deceit.
It could destroy the fragile ability to trust that I'm working so hard to grow.
If I let it close, if I dare let down the drawbridge even the slightest bit...

It "could..."

Will it?

I can't possibly know that. Or predict it.

Funny, because I still do believe in love.
Even after having my trust completely obliterated...

So, I won't look.
I'll grow and tend friendships like my favorite raspberries in the garden... :-)
With care.

I'll be quiet, and watch.
And wait.
And work on becoming a better version of myself.
And learn to love others better.
And learn to let God work in me deeper.
And learn to laugh, and smile, and dream again.
And learn to give...

And one day...

Just maybe...

Hearing "I love you" will sound like home is calling.

Fear will vanish.

And I'll walk through that warm, welcoming door.

And my soul will be found.