Hanging by a Thread

(NOTE:  The song I wanted to post actually has the following lyrics (altered by Nickel Creek).

The original intent was about the strength and fullness of life that Jesus gives,

contrasted with how one can hang by a thread without Him.)

Hanging by a Thread

There's a kind of emptiness that can fill you

There's a kind of hunger that can eat you up

There's a cold and darker side of the moonlight

And there's a lonely side of love

With you here. Jesus, I am strong; no sign of weakness

With you gone, Jesus, I am hanging by a thread

There's a certain kind of pain that can numb you

There's a type of freedom that can tie you down

Sometimes the unexplained can define you

And sometimes, silence is the only sound

With you here, Jesus, I am strong; no sign of weakness

With you gone. Jesus, I am hanging by a thread

************  ************

Several years ago, I told someone there was something beautiful, something pure, something clean and real, waiting for him. And, if/when he found it, he should grab hold of it and never let it go.

Oh, but kicking against the pricks can feel strong and powerful, rebellious and bold, sexy, fun and passionate… wild, wicked and intriguing…
And so free.
Invincible!
It can taste so sweet.

It is full. of. you.

But what do you feel in the quiet? In the darkness?
When the world stops and the times are idle...
When “friends” leave, the laughter fades, and your whisper echoes in an empty room.

And you are left alone with your soul.

When the aftermath of tangled sheets and dirty needles greets you, and the curtains close on actions that could not bear the sunshine…

It is beautiful?
Is it clean?
You may not give a damn if it is.
That taste in your mouth… is it still sweet?
Is the hollow in your heart full?
Do you still feel strong?

Are you happy?
Do you love?
And are you loved?

Or is there shame?

Are you holding the life you longed for?
Or holding a lie?

Are you hanging tough?
Or hanging by a thread?

There is something beautiful. Pure. Clean.

He's real.

Lovers in the Snow

Lovers in the Snow

Kiss these lips

With questions still lingering in my mouth

Tasting indecision and longing

Warmth of home

Delicate finger touch of snow

Tentative tongues

Giddily silent swirl

Time ceases

All while ice and heat merge

Again? Why that Choice?

I’ve said and thought things of which I am ashamed.  There is so much I do not understand, and never will; my thoughts are tempted to descend once more.  It is happening again.  Different, yes, but ever the same.

In the past, I stood and watched someone I loved and committed to choose to walk away from me, from our child, from our life, from precious dreams and hopes.  He rejected us, turned, and walked into darkness. With a needle in his arm, a whore at his elbow, and carnage all around, he walked into Shadow.  

Through it, I felt the temptation to rage, to retaliate with stabbing words, to wound the one who wounded me beyond their imaginings, as well as the temptation to beg and plead.  But to what purpose?  It would not have demonstrated the character of Christ, the character I longed to shine forth.  In his own pain, that man descended to the pit, willingly, while I watched him self-destruct, helpless beyond my hands.  I let him know I stood, heart open to believe and encourage... He didn't want it.

Faced with a choice:   (my own opinion of the circumstances, which is obviously biased)

This?	or This?
An imperfect woman who seeks Truth, loves, encourages, respects, honors, treasures, creates a home, cooks, prays, and gives.	A whorish woman (or women?) who cheats, lies, steals, argues, deceives, dishonors, disrespects, belittles, and takes.
A home that is one's own, full of warmth, love, music, joy, peace, and family (even children).	No place to call home, another’s walls, another's possessions, empty of family, barren, cold.
Health, life, adventure, security, beauty, agreement, honesty, making love, fun, laughter, giving, and acceptance. Partnership and trust. Building. Deposits. In the Light. Clean and pure.	Disease, sex, derision, stained, insecurity, temporary and ultimately unsatisfying pleasure, rejection, use, and Shadow.  Strife and doubt. Tearing down. Withdrawals. In the Darkness. Filthy and corrupt.
A faithful and caring hand in one's hand.	A life-stealing needle in one's arm.
Growth and wisdom and knowledge and excitement!	Regression and foolishness and ignorance and fake promises.
Faith and hope and healing.	Fear and death and hurt.
Living out years surrounded by love.	Reaching the end of days, alone.
Real.	False.
Justified.	Blamed.

Proverbs 9 shows the contrast well.  The clamorous woman enticed the foolish man:  “stolen waters are sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant, but he knoweth not that the dead are there, and that her guests are in the depths of hell.”  While wisdom called out for the man to choose her, to choose abundant life.

I do not understand.  I want to shake him. I want to rage and quake "Wake up!! See the truth!!  Choose good!!!”  And I do not mean the choice of "me."  I mean choosing one's self, choosing life and good for one's self... This is not about me, even though I had/have been a factor in the past and present case.

Where did the man go who prayed for salvation, who opened his heart to the Truth and began to absorb so many beautiful words of God to his hungry soul?  Where is the man who wanted to make his life right, to walk forward with his blue eyes focused on the prize of the upward calling in Christ?  Where is the man who wanted to restore his relationship with a beloved brother?  Where is the man who asked me to forgive him?  Is there there?  He can still choose the Good.  The Light.  While there is breath, there is hope.  While there is one second of time, there is opportunity to choose. God's hand is not so short that it cannot reach.  Love can still find him... he cannot run from it; it can find him no matter where the hurt hides.  Healing can find him in the dark; it can meet him where his is.  Choose Life.

Stand. Trip. Fail. Fall... and Get UP.  You can do it!  You experienced a beautiful taste of freedom... Please, please, do not disappear into the Shadow. Stay in the Light!

I want to scream it out... 

Would he listen?  

Let it

It’s all I can do tonight

When the dark clouds come your way.

When your demons can't be tamed

When your last straws bout to break

When you feel your heart can't take anymore

When your second chance is gone

When you're barely hanging on

When you're tired of being strong

And you don't know where to run anymore

I wanna take away the hurt

But i just don't have the words

Let me hold you

Let me hold you tight

Let me hold you

Just let me hold you tonight

When a shadow's always there

When you can't come up for air

When tomorrow seems to lead nowhere

And there's no answer to your prayer anymore

I wanna take away the hurt

But I just don't have the words

Let me hold you

Let me hold you tight

Let me hold you

Just let me hold you tonight

Let me hold you

Let me hold you tight

Let me hold you

It's all that I can do tonight