'Tude?

“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

It's a selfie.  And that's supposed to show arrogance, right? Vanity? Some may think it is narcissistic and selfish.  Overly confident?  Or insecure and needing validation?  Well...

This particular photo was taken a little over a year ago, after having gone through a dark period in the Valley of the Shadow, and then emerging from the gloom into the sunshine once more! (I came across it while looking through my files, and it felt so timely and appropriate.) If there is one thing I've learned, contrary to the fairy tales and unicorn imaginings of so many, the only thing constant about Life is... change!  There are tempests not of our own making to be endured, and those storms which we create all by our little ol' selves (but for which some do not wish to take credit, eh?). There are circumstances that surround us over which we have no control, and circumstances we need to take responsibility for.  I have heard people lament "but he/she changed!" as if we are static creatures. In my opinion, we live a metamorphosis similar to that of the caterpillar to a butterfly. While we grow and develop, there are characteristics intrinsic to our being. Be aware, however, we have the ability to choose what qualities we feed, and whether virtue or vice. Then, it is the stuff of life that reveals who we truly are, reveals our mettle, as it were.  And that which we are in the dark will be exposed by the Light.

I fall. I strive. I smile. I laugh. I fail. I grow. And guess what... I like me!  Warts and all!  I have to live with myself in the Shadow, as well as in the Light.  And the mirror of my soul reflects a character worthy of respect and love and truth... Sure, I screw up. But it does not negate my value. There is no need to beg another to love me, or accept me, or to "pick me!"  No need to convince another of my worth. Those who wish to see it, will. Those who do not...?  It is not my job to advertise (laughing). There is an abundance of love within me, as well as grace and forgiveness.  It would be a mistake, however, to interpret that as weakness.

Some gems on which it is valuable to meditate:

• The "king of philosophers," stoic Marcus, remained in control of his emotions through believing nature unfolds in a perfect way and that one must accept they cannot change the past or what other people feel in their hearts.
• "Live in the present."  And, may I add, be truly present in your life, not lamenting or idolizing the past, neither dreaming away in an uncertain future fantasy.
• When you remove your feelings from how you perceive difficult events, you are able to have empathy for the people who disappoint you and acceptance for the losses you suffer.
• Consider the benefits of such stoicism, in which someone chooses to "transform fear into prudence, pain into transformation, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking." In other words, by causing all things to benefit for the good in some way.  Yes, even the painful, nasty, ugly, hurtful things can result in something good if you choose how you react going forward - by growing in virtue and character.
• "Find peace with yourself."  You don't HAVE to go to the woods, or a mountain top, or a Valley which echoes your dreams when you whisper them, or a Buddhist monastery.  You can find it in the quiet of your own heart.  Just seek...
• Don't resent people for their character (or lack of...) If someone's character flaw has caused one of your problems, do not exert energy trying to change that person's character. Let things go.  "You might as well resent a fig tree for secreting juice," Marcus writes.
• I am responsible for my own happiness!  "Choose not to be harmed — and you won't feel harmed. Don't feel harmed — and you haven't been."  Similarly, do not let adulation from others overwhelm you.
• Do not define yourself by others' perception of you, since the only way someone can truly harm you is if they change your character.  Do not allow them to!  Hold fast to your integrity!!
• "You could leave life right now," Marcus writes. "Let that determine what you say and think."

The point of it all is that it is about a personal journey.  It is YOUR journey.  Others may walk beside you, yes. But the steps are YOURS. You, and you alone, are responsible for your choices and reactions. Do they draw you closer to the person you wish to be? the life you wish to live?  Do you like you?

That jut to my chin?   It represents whatever I choose it to... and I am happy. 😄