Again? Why that Choice?

I’ve said and thought things of which I am ashamed.  There is so much I do not understand, and never will; my thoughts are tempted to descend once more.  It is happening again.  Different, yes, but ever the same.

In the past, I stood and watched someone I loved and committed to choose to walk away from me, from our child, from our life, from precious dreams and hopes.  He rejected us, turned, and walked into darkness. With a needle in his arm, a whore at his elbow, and carnage all around, he walked into Shadow.  

Through it, I felt the temptation to rage, to retaliate with stabbing words, to wound the one who wounded me beyond their imaginings, as well as the temptation to beg and plead.  But to what purpose?  It would not have demonstrated the character of Christ, the character I longed to shine forth.  In his own pain, that man descended to the pit, willingly, while I watched him self-destruct, helpless beyond my hands.  I let him know I stood, heart open to believe and encourage... He didn't want it.

Faced with a choice:   (my own opinion of the circumstances, which is obviously biased)

This?	or This?
An imperfect woman who seeks Truth, loves, encourages, respects, honors, treasures, creates a home, cooks, prays, and gives.	A whorish woman (or women?) who cheats, lies, steals, argues, deceives, dishonors, disrespects, belittles, and takes.
A home that is one's own, full of warmth, love, music, joy, peace, and family (even children).	No place to call home, another’s walls, another's possessions, empty of family, barren, cold.
Health, life, adventure, security, beauty, agreement, honesty, making love, fun, laughter, giving, and acceptance. Partnership and trust. Building. Deposits. In the Light. Clean and pure.	Disease, sex, derision, stained, insecurity, temporary and ultimately unsatisfying pleasure, rejection, use, and Shadow.  Strife and doubt. Tearing down. Withdrawals. In the Darkness. Filthy and corrupt.
A faithful and caring hand in one's hand.	A life-stealing needle in one's arm.
Growth and wisdom and knowledge and excitement!	Regression and foolishness and ignorance and fake promises.
Faith and hope and healing.	Fear and death and hurt.
Living out years surrounded by love.	Reaching the end of days, alone.
Real.	False.
Justified.	Blamed.

Proverbs 9 shows the contrast well.  The clamorous woman enticed the foolish man:  “stolen waters are sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant, but he knoweth not that the dead are there, and that her guests are in the depths of hell.”  While wisdom called out for the man to choose her, to choose abundant life.

I do not understand.  I want to shake him. I want to rage and quake "Wake up!! See the truth!!  Choose good!!!”  And I do not mean the choice of "me."  I mean choosing one's self, choosing life and good for one's self... This is not about me, even though I had/have been a factor in the past and present case.

Where did the man go who prayed for salvation, who opened his heart to the Truth and began to absorb so many beautiful words of God to his hungry soul?  Where is the man who wanted to make his life right, to walk forward with his blue eyes focused on the prize of the upward calling in Christ?  Where is the man who wanted to restore his relationship with a beloved brother?  Where is the man who asked me to forgive him?  Is there there?  He can still choose the Good.  The Light.  While there is breath, there is hope.  While there is one second of time, there is opportunity to choose. God's hand is not so short that it cannot reach.  Love can still find him... he cannot run from it; it can find him no matter where the hurt hides.  Healing can find him in the dark; it can meet him where his is.  Choose Life.

Stand. Trip. Fail. Fall... and Get UP.  You can do it!  You experienced a beautiful taste of freedom... Please, please, do not disappear into the Shadow. Stay in the Light!

I want to scream it out... 

Would he listen?